Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Welcome to the doctor's awake show, where I show you how bad States of mind, difficult life issues. Aren't pathological, but rather signs of personal growth trying to happen. All right, let's get into it. Hey people, thank you for tuning in. I've got a really interesting exercise for you. So grab something to drink. If you want get comfortable and let's get into it, do not do these exercises while you're driving, operating machinery or doing anything that requires your attention. Okay, we're going to focus on your deepest yearnings in life. If you're like most folks you get so caught up in your daily routine, you lose contact with what really matters. You're also continually bombarded with media messages, telling you what life's supposed to be about success, money, appearance, and whatever else. A lot of people spend their lives trying to fulfill these ideals, but never quite feel happy or content, or they succeed at them, but still feel this subtle sense of loss, like a mysterious vacancy at their cores though.
Speaker 0 00:01:36 We'd all love to have loads of money and success. Our deepest yearnings go far beyond these things. It's often said that what we really desire is to be seen, heard, and loved for who we are, but it goes deeper than that. Why do you want to be seen, heard, and loved for who you are? The reason may surprise you it's because you don't actually see here and love yourself for who you are. That's why you want other people to do this for you. And this is essential. It's human it's real, but on the most fundamental level, being seen, heard, and loved is a desire to become aware of and connect with your own true self it's the drive to know and inhabit your deepest nature. And it goes even further connecting with the core of ourselves. Isn't the only root experience we desire. We're also driven to connect with something greater than ourselves.
Speaker 0 00:02:49 Call it God nature, the universe, spirit, love, contribution, or rock and roll in Eastern spiritual traditions. These two basic experiences connecting to self and beyond self are actually considered one in the same thing. The idea is that who you personally are at the deepest level is this impersonal greater spirit. So when you get to the foundation of your individual being, you discover that you're actually part of a whole that's greater than the sum of the individual parts. But one step at a time, let's focus on connecting with your beautiful personalities, deepest core, really young children in their primal innocence are a great example of this connection. They don't care about appearances or success. Their only concerns are experiencing life and expressing themselves. If their minds haven't yet been polluted by adults, they don't make their happiness contingent on achieving something. They just want to have fun.
Speaker 0 00:04:10 This deep desire remains with us throughout our lives. Despite the fact that most of us lose touch with it by the age of 18 or so, I recently asked friend what his deepest yearning was. And he said it was for peace in his life because everything was hectic, chaotic, and difficult. He had financial problems, a strained relationship with his wife and a newborn baby to take care of what he longed for was some peace and quiet. I suggested he closed his eyes and simply imagine feeling at peace. And I told him to amplify the feeling after a while, he got into a really calm, quiet state of mind afterwards. He said he was surprised at how easy it was for him to access and enjoy this feeling. So I asked him why he doesn't just do this. And he said, his belief system is that he can't be in a peaceful state of mind until he solves all his terrible problems.
Speaker 0 00:05:19 I said, good luck. And he laughed seeing the absurdity of it. His deepest yearning for peace and quiet was a sign that this experience was already present in him. He just had a tap into it. It was right there. He didn't have to wait to get to a certain place in his life to feel it. All he had to do was honor. What he really yearned for focus on it and amplify the feeling from that point on. He made sure to connect with his inner feeling of peace throughout the day, regardless of what was going on in his life. It's important to have one or more ways to consciously connect with your deepest yearnings. Otherwise the process behind your yearnings will connect with you in whatever way it can. There are many ways this happens and they all take the form of problems in your life.
Speaker 0 00:06:19 A really common example is how an addiction can pull you unconsciously and destructively into your unlived. Yearnings people use substances or activities to simulate an experience of what they yearn for, but aren't aware of. And therefore can't consciously engage in. Imagine someone who unconsciously yearns to feel free of some kind of pain in their life, but has no real awareness of this process. They're just in it. They might get addicted to alcohol or heroin or barbiturates because these substances simulate a pain-free state of mind or say you're depressed, but don't have a lot of awareness around it. Remember not everyone who's depressed knows it. There's this vast no man's land where a lot of people live where they're depressed, but it's a normalized state. So they don't notice it. They yearn to feel better, but they don't know this. One of many common reactions is to become addicted, to uppers like Coke or meth or Adderall.
Speaker 0 00:07:36 They feel driven to experience a more upstate of mind. But since they're unaware of it, they just seek whatever methods are available to at least artificially induce the feeling. I've had clients who unconsciously yearned for an experience of life. That's more artistic and free than their conventional identities and commitments would allow. They came to me because their recreational use of pot mushrooms and acid got way out of hand. Another common example is when someone has chronic anxiety, but has no connection to the underlying process. They might be driven to the same kinds of things. Folks trying to cover over their pain, get into booze and opiates and things like that. All this tends to be fun, relieving, and maybe even creative for a while, but then it can turn bad. Unconscious processes are dangerous. Your deepest yearnings need you to consciously attend to them. Even if everything in you and in your environment are against it. Otherwise they'll find ways to create problems in your life. Addictions, illness, depression,
Speaker 1 00:08:57 Anxiety, phobias, relationship, drama, even death. Your process is no joke. Okay? Let's do the exercise. Now, each one of you is totally unique in how you process things. So at each step, turn the podcast on and off. However you need think of a problem you feel stuck in. Is it a mood or state of mind? You can't shake a relationship conflict, an inner critic, a work issue, whatever it is, put your awareness onto it and review your experience. Don't try to change anything. Just gently revisit, whatever feelings and thoughts come up around the problem. If it's a particularly difficult issue, gently step back a bit and just observe yourself experiencing the problem. Watch your inner world for a moment. Just witness it.
Speaker 1 00:10:48 Now, put the problem aside and ask yourself what you yearn for in life. What are you secretly longing for to explore this question? Contemplate your life in a relaxed, loose sort of way. Just feel into it. Don't think too hard. Don't try to figure it out. Just feel sense and let your intuition guide you temporarily. Let go of all the usual things you obsess about all day and gently sense what's underneath. Notice your subtle longings and unsaid desires. What do you yearn for? Is it self love and acceptance? Inner freedom, free expression, fun, personal power, God, meaning purpose, creativity, peace connection.
Speaker 1 00:12:39 If your answer is happiness, you're still not getting to the core. What's going to make you happy. I mean, what's really going to make you happy. Trust me a million bucks. Ain't gonna do it. And neither will success. I've had too many successful, depressed millionaire clients for that fantasy to hold any water. Don't get me wrong, succeed at everything you want in life, but let's go deeper to the part of you that seeks to connect with your core. Take your time and really feel into this. Now that you've got a sense of what you're yearning for, close your eyes, or keep them closed. If they're already closed and imagine yourself experiencing it, make a picture in your mind of yourself, living this experience. How would you look if you live your life? According to this deep yearning study your face, body expressions, actions, and environment now feel into it and make the feeling stronger, more intense, more all encompassing.
Speaker 1 00:15:22 For example, if you want to feel loved, go deeply into how this would feel. If you want to feel free, put your whole mind and body into this feeling, get to know this core experience. Now turn off the podcast, stand up and move your body in a way that expresses what you're seeing and feeling. Use your movements to experience what you yearn for. Now. There's no right or wrong way to move. Maybe you just want to walk around the room or maybe you feel like standing still and just making some gestures that express what you're feeling, let your body wisdom express itself.
Speaker 1 00:17:12 Now let's put it all together. Be this new way of being, get into it as if this is who you are. All right, let's apply your new state of mind and body to the problem you identified. How does this new way of being make you see and feel about your issue? What new attitude and energy does it bring to the problem? What new ideas or solutions does it come up with? What new actions come to mind? Okay. Here's some questions to help you complete your experience. How have you been supporting this yearning and how have you been ignoring it? What's been stopping you from fully embracing, experiencing, and living it a belief system, an inner critic, a relationship you feel unfree in a fear. If you can identify this dialogue with it, from the awareness of this new way of being
Speaker 0 00:21:08 You think of ways, you can bring this way of being into your inner world, your relationship,
Speaker 1 00:21:17 Your work, and your spirituality, great work,
Speaker 0 00:21:51 Just learned. How do I identify what you yearn for in life and use it to process a problem.
Speaker 1 00:22:00 You did this by
Speaker 0 00:22:01 Visualizing yourself, living this way, feeling deeply into what you really long for moving your body to express this experience, embodying the entire experience of what you're yearned for, and then applying it to your problem. Take as much time as you need to absorb what you just experienced. If you feel like it, you can listen to some bonus material where I share some of my client's experiences doing this exercise. That's up next.
Speaker 1 00:22:36 <inaudible>.
Speaker 0 00:22:47 Here are some of my clients' experiences with this exercise, a 26 year old single woman yearned for a life partner. She amplified her imagination of being in a relationship and experienced a deep sense of feeling loved. I suggested she relate to this feeling of being loved as an inner process, and she began embodying it in her life. In other words, instead of stressing about finding a relationship, she started living with a loving partner internally for the time being six months later, she met her husband,
Speaker 1 00:23:33 A 38
Speaker 0 00:23:33 Year old man, yearned to feel calm and centered. Instead of always feeling agitated. I helped him focus on his imagination of feeling calm and, and he had a profound experience. He discovered that he can actually be very calm and centered, but it thought only other people could do this because he saw himself as a chronic nervous wreck. He had been projecting his own capacity for centerdness onto other people. Instead of realizing he could do this himself from that day on, he committed to a daily routine of meditation. So he could build up this part of himself, a 70 year old man yearned for resolution with his brother, with whom he had been arguing for 30 years, he amplified his yearning and got in touch with a feeling of forgiveness. He brought this into their relationship and it helped them heal. See you next time, stay away.
Speaker 1 00:24:49 You can follow me on social media@doctorsawakeandyoucansignuponthemailinglistatdoctorswake.com, where you'll receive discounts on private coaching events and merchandise starting in 2021 weekly personal growth tips and lots more be well.
