Speaker 1 00:00:03 Welcome to the Doctor's Wig Show, where I show you how bad states of mind and difficult life issues aren't pathological, but rather signs of personal growth trying to happen. All right, let's get into it. What's up party people? How's your day or night going? How are you getting along with yourself?
Speaker 1 00:00:35 What's that? It's other people that are the problem. <laugh>, you may be right. We humans is difficult creatures, and sometimes it's hard to get along with each other, but beneath the surface of our conflicts is a wisdom we all possess and it can guide us to the solutions and transformations we need. Today. I've got a cool exercise for you that shows you how to do this, so let's get started. Don't do this exercise while you're driving operating machinery or doing anything that requires your full attention. Just like an episode 56, we're gonna go high tech again. You'll need a video camera or a smartphone.
Speaker 1 00:01:22 All right. I wanna start with a brief example of what we're gonna do. I was once having a bad argument with a friend and we jointly decided to video ourselves. We thought it might give us some objectivity and get us out of our crazy fight. We talked about our problem in front of the camera and then watch the video. At first, the video just seemed to amplify our argument. See, I'm totally right. No way, man. Listen to what you just said. I'm right <laugh>. Then I suggested we meditate for a few minutes. I had an idea that behind our attachment to our positions was something in ourselves with more wisdom and objectivity, so I said, Let's each imagine we're old wise men. We're not the young dumb asses we actually are <laugh>. We took a five minute timeout, closed our eyes, and imagined we were wise elders who can see objectively and don't get entangled in dramas.
Speaker 1 00:02:28 Then we watched the video again. What a radical shift. We both had a totally new perception of what was going on. For some reason, we automatically focused on ourselves instead of on the other person, and after a few minutes of watching, we looked at each other and laughed. It was totally obvious how unconscious polarized and caught in our own complex as we had been our everyday selves. Didn't wanna admit this, but when we did, our argument ceased. What an eye opener. When we were in the middle of the conflict, we couldn't see anything. It was like walking through the dark. We were each possessed by our own perceptions, emotions and interpretations, but when we stepped back and watched our own selves with a more wise objectivity, we saw two idiots arguing about nothing. All right, let's do this. After getting consent from whoever you wanna work with, make a video of you two talking about a problem you're having with each other. Talk about the issue, each stating your thoughts and feelings, but don't get too far into the conflict. Just lay it out for the camera. Turn off the podcast and go ahead and do this and turn it on again when you're ready.
Speaker 1 00:03:58 Now take a few minutes and watch the video together. Notice your own reactions to yourself and to the other person. Does watching yourselves on video change anything about how you feel or what you think about the conflict? It doesn't have to just take note of your experience watching. Turn off the podcast and turn it on again when you're ready. Now, forget about the video and both of you close your eyes and imagine you're an old wise man or woman. You're clear headed, objective, calm and centered. You're an enlightened elder who sees through people's conflicts and dramas. You have a mature and understanding way of relating to human processes. You see and feel the big picture of life and are beyond all the little picture pettiness. People get entangled in. You're loving, free, strong, happy, and in touch with eternity and the true meaning of life and relationships. To do this, begin by seeing yourself as this wise figure. Take your time and create a really compelling vision. Observe every detail of how you would look as this wise man or woman. What kind of facial expressions and gestures would you make? How would you behave?
Speaker 1 00:05:38 Let it unfold into an inner movie and watch it. Turn off the podcast and do this and turn it on again. When you're ready. Now feel into being this person. Feel it everywhere in your mind, body and soul. Sense it with every fiber of yourself. Totally inhabit the feeling. Step right inside it and identify with it. Now, stand up and walk around the room in the way this wise figure would move. Embody the figure with your whole being. Go wherever your movements and gestures take you. Turn off the podcast and do this and turn it on again. When you're ready, now, bring all your senses into play and totally become this wise character. See, feel, hear and move like this figure. Explore the experience. Imagine this is you right now. Turn off the podcast and do this and turn it on again when you're ready.
Speaker 1 00:08:04 All right. Sit back down and watch the video together again. It's important to do the best you can to put aside your judgments and interpretations of the other person. In fact, don't even focus on them. Focus on you in the video. Be the wise figure and study yourself. Do it in a loving, supportive, but insightful way. Notice if there's something that's hard for you to admit about your behavior, but it's never the less true, you don't need to discuss it yet. Just observe yourself from this wise perspective. Turn off the podcast and turn it on again when you're ready. Now, tell each other how you see yourselves on the video and what kind of sage advice you would give yourself. I know this is asking a lot of you. Humility is tough to do, but man will you grow and so will your relationship. At least try a baby step in this direction and then discuss the implications of this for your relationship issue. Turn off the podcast and turn it on again when you're ready. Okay. Here are some questions to help you complete this. Were you able to notice something about yourself you hadn't previously been aware of?
Speaker 1 00:09:45 Was it difficult to admit that you need to grow in a certain way? If you felt unable to do this, you may not have gone far enough into your experience of the wise man or woman. Revisit this step in the exercise and really become your inner wise figure. Trust it. Believe in it. It's real, and if you need to do it as an acting exercise, that can be the first step, but then really identify with it. How could your new awareness of yourself help you in your relationship conflict, and how might it help you in your other relationships? How did your mutual realizations about your own selves impact your conflict with each other? Turn off the podcast and turn it on again. When you're ready, how can you apply what you learned to your inner life, your work and your spirituality?
Speaker 1 00:13:45 Great work. You've just learned how to apply your inner wisdom to a relationship conflict. You did this by jointly presenting your issue to the video camera, watching the video together and noticing your reactions, each meditating on your own inner wise self watching yourselves again on the video from this more enlightened perspective, giving your own selves some sage advice, discussing what you learned in terms of your relationship issue, and then applying this to other areas of your life. If you feel like it, you can listen to some bonus material where I share some of my clients' experiences doing this exercise. That's up next.
Speaker 1 00:14:45 Here are some of my clients' experiences doing this exercise. A 40 year old man and 41 year old woman told the camera about their struggle to have a child and how even though they share the same problem together, the tension often leads to arguments. When they watched the video as their why selves, they had really interesting reactions. He told himself to stop trying to fix everything because there are some things in life you can't control. She told herself that even though having a child was important to her, it's not the most important thing in life. Just being alive, healthy, relatively happy and having a good relationship we're already a blessing. The result was that they kept trying to have a baby, but they became more relaxed, understanding and forgiving in their attitudes.
Speaker 1 00:15:43 2 25 year old media company work colleagues told the camera they don't like working together because of their different work styles. His was logical step by step, and hers was intuitive as their wise selves. They each said they could embrace more of their colleague style. It was a simple and straightforward process of integrating their opposites. They decided to figure out ways to bring both of their approaches into the work instead of battling each other. A 38 year old mother and her 12 year old daughter told the camera that they fight over the amount of time the daughter spends on her phone. The mother said it's five hours a day, but the daughter disagreed. She said it was only four <laugh> crazy when they watched the video as their wise selves. The mother told herself to be more open to a youth culture she doesn't really understand, and the daughter told herself to finish her homework before focusing on social media. Their relationship improved a lot just from doing this one exercise. See you next time. Stay aware. You can follow me on social media at Dr. Wigg, and you can sign up on the mailing
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