Speaker 1 00:00:03 Welcome to the doctors, which show where I show you how bad states of mind, difficult life issues, aren't pathological, but rather signs of personal growth trying to happen. All right, let's get into it.
Speaker 1 00:00:27 Hey people, how are you? I hope you're doing well today. I've got a new kind of exercise for you where we're going to focus on a goal instead of a problem, you're going to identify an obstacle that blocks you from progressing toward this goal and learn how to transform it into an ally. Don't do this exercise while you're driving, operating machinery or doing anything that requires your full attention. Okay. Let's begin by reviewing a concept. We covered in some past episodes. Every human quality can be used either positively or negatively, which means consciously or unconsciously. For example, you can use your strength to stand up for your feelings or someone else's feelings, but you could also use your strength to abuse someone. So strength in itself is neither good, nor bad. It's neutral. It all depends on how you use it, how conscious you are of it in yourself.
Speaker 1 00:01:39 The same is true for every way of being. You can be emotional to share your true feelings, but you can also oppress someone with your emotions. You can be rational to figure out the correct answer to something, but you can also be rational as a way to avoid your feelings. You can be intelligent to do good in the world or to do bad in the world. You might be a careful person. This could protect you from a lot of problems, but it could also cut you off from really experiencing life. You could even be nice in a harmful way. For example, once I saw someone being nice and accepting to a guy who was abusing someone with his racism, this person had a philosophy to be kind and supportive at all times that the result was he was inadvertently furthering an abusive situation, the quality or way of being itself, strength or emotionality or rationality, or even something that seems purely positive, like being nice.
Speaker 1 00:02:51 Doesn't determine how it's used you do. And why is knowing this important besides obvious that if you're interested in growing, changing healing and transforming your life, you strive to be conscious of your process is another really interesting element here. This fluid nature of human qualities means that when we have a negative experience, either within ourselves or in a relationship to another person or to the world, the negative aspect, isn't the most important part. I mean, it's super important. And of course it sucks and you want to get rid of it, but it's only the negative expression of a human quality. That quality when made conscious transforms into a positive expression, the quality is what's important, not its momentary expression. In fact, the whole reason we have negative experiences is to push us into our processes in order to make the bad things we experience conscious when you make them conscious, they become a liberating power.
Speaker 1 00:04:04 Everything happening is a process to work on, not just a state of mind to get rid of. So how does this look in practice? It means that your problems are simply the negative expression of a meaningful positive process. And your job is to hunt for the quality or the way of being behind the negative expression and integrated in a conscious way. Here's an example that will give you a sense of what we're about to do. One of my clients, a 36 year old man, valued being gentle and kind and saw the world as being controlled by shrewd cold-hearted people. He complained that he could never find the kind of job he really wanted because these awful people controlled all the jobs after spending some time discussing the job market. I helped him work on the inner component of his predicament. Why? Because your experiences in the world are a reflection of what's happening inside of you working on your inner process, changes not only how you relate to the world, but how the world relates to you.
Speaker 1 00:05:20 Our private inner lives are way more interconnected with people and events than it appears. It was objective true that the current job market was lousy, but that should never be the final word. The final word should always come from within. So here's what we did. I had him imagine and play act a shrewd cold character who controls all the jobs, but won't give one to him as he was doing this. He said, at least I'm not like this. I asked him to and he said, I'm not like these greedy assholes who fuck up the world. I asked him, do you think you could be shrewd and cold in a positive way? He immediately replied? No. How could that possibly be positive? It's just not. I said, well, that's because the only image of shrewd and cold you have is a negative one. Let's see if there's another image we can create.
Speaker 1 00:06:25 How could someone be shrewd and cold in a positive way? He furrowed his brow and pondered my question. It took him a long time, but eventually he said, I guess I could be like that to fight for what I believe in against all the psychopathic, greedy people in the world. Now he was on the right track. We explored his positive reframe of being shrewd and cold. And in the process, he discovered that he, so warm-hearted, he lets the world walk all over him. So being shrewder and colder was something that paradoxically could help him further his values and achieve his goals. The cold world turned out to be his teacher. Over time, we worked on him learning to be shrewder and colder. And he brought to this way of being to his job search at his first interview, he experienced the interviewer as being too impersonal and matter of fact, for how he felt people should be even in a job situation.
Speaker 1 00:07:30 So he voiced his feeling in a diplomatic way, saying something like when I worked for a company, I think it's important to have a strong interpersonal connection with people. How do you feel about that? This led to an in-depth discussion, earned the interviewer's respect and landed him the job. Instead of going along with something he felt allergic to, he found a way to use the corporate world shrewd coldness to his advantage and honored his true values in the process. Take a moment to think about this within the negative quality. My client felt blocked by was a positive power he could use to not only transform the block, but his relationship to the world as well. Okay. Begin by thinking of something you would like to accomplish, but are having trouble making progress or even getting started. Take a minute to review your experience of this
Speaker 1 00:09:18 Now I tend to find the obstacle that prevents you from progressing toward your goal. It could be an internal block, like self doubt or an external situation, like lack of a job education, money, or opportunities.
Speaker 1 00:10:37 Now describe exactly how the obstacle blocks you. What does it do to you that stops you from moving towards your goal? Does it put you down? Does it make you feel unloved, scared, doubtful, insignificant, invisible, dumb, poor, weak in capable, spend a minute reviewing feeling and sensing what it feels like to be blocked in this way.
Speaker 1 00:12:15 Now we're going to flip this around. Instead of being blocked by the obstacle, we're going to explore process and transform it to do this first. Identify whether it's an internal obstacle, like a critic, a belief system, or a fear or an external obstacle, like a lack of money or opportunities. And may also be a combination of the two, for example, social issues like racism, antisemitism, sexism, ageism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, et cetera, are very real things in the world, but they can also give you inner complexes. Take a moment to get clear on where the obstacle originates
Speaker 1 00:14:03 All right. Whether your obstacle obstacles, internal, external, or a combination of the two, imagine a character that personifies it. It could be a man, a woman, or maybe even an animal or spirit. What kind of figure do you imagine would represent the thing that blocks you? There are no wrong answers here. Just trust your imagination. It will show you the way. If your obstacle is something abstract, like a lack of money or opportunity, an institution, a social norm, a behavior code or a world that has money, resources, and opportunities. But isn't sharing them with you. Create a character who personifies this attitude. For example, if you're part of a minority group and feel oppressed and blocked by a prejudice in the world, you might visualize a prejudiced person express the abstract in the concrete form of a character. Okay, go ahead and do this.
Speaker 1 00:16:15 Now let's look at the character. Is it a man, a woman or an animal or spirit? Perhaps it's gender neutral. How old is the figure? What kind of face body and hair does it have? How does it walk and move? Take a really good look.
Speaker 1 00:17:40 Now feel what it would be like to be the character. Go deeply into your bodily sense. It imagine physically being this figure.
Speaker 1 00:18:52 Now stand up and walk or move like you imagine the character would let your imagination direct your movements. Go ahead and turn the podcast off and turn it on again. When you're ready.
Speaker 1 00:19:37 All right. Stay in the experience and describe the character's personality and energy. What's its main quality, cold and shrewd tough and authoritarian, absolute and confident trickster like powerful. If it's fearful and worried about something, don't focus on the content, focus on the quality of how it expresses its fears. For example, is it overbearing in its expression of its fears? Is it relentless? Is it super detailed and nitpicky and telling you what's going to go wrong or does it dig in its heels and never give up? How would you describe it?
Speaker 1 00:21:27 Now ask yourself this question. What's the positive version of this character trait. How can I use this negative quality in a positive way? For example, how can you be cold and shrewd or tough and authoritarian or absolute and confident in a conscious, constructive way to answer this question, identify the most basic quality. The essence of the behavior that blocks you put its negative manifestation aside for a moment and zero in on its core. Quality. Forget your judgments and interpretations for a minute and identify the neutral core essence of its behavior. Is it powerful, relentless in total control, confident self-focused a know it all. Then imagine a positive expression of this quality. Remember all these qualities have both positive and negative expressions. It all depends on how you use them. Go ahead and do this.
Speaker 1 00:23:44 Imagine having this positive quality in yourself, see, and feel it as a part of who you are embody it, occupy it, be it
Speaker 1 00:24:58 Okay. Now stay with the experience and apply it to your goal. Notice how this new way of being changes your relationship to the obstacle.
Speaker 1 00:26:11 All right. Here's some questions to help you complete the work. How does integrating a positive version of this quality help you move towards your goal?
Speaker 1 00:27:09 Does this wave being changed? Anything about what your goal is or how you approach it?
Speaker 1 00:28:01 How can you apply this way of being to your inner life, your relationships, your work in your spirituality.
Speaker 1 00:28:56 Great work. You've just learned how to transform obstacles. That block you from reaching your goals. You did this by focusing on something you'd like to accomplish. Identifying what blocks you personifying and visualizing it as a character, play, acting it, identifying its core quality, embodying this quality as a positive trait, using it to change your relationship to the obstacle and to your goal and applying this new way of being to other areas of your life. If you feel like it, you can listen to some bonus material where I share some of my client's experiences doing this exercise. That's up next.
Speaker 1 00:29:59 Here are some of my client's experiences doing this exercise. A 17 year old man wanted to go to college after he graduated high school, but felt blocked by his family history. No one had ever gone to university. And in fact, his father looked down on higher education. My client identified the essence of his father's viewpoint has stubborn. My client explored the quality of being stubborn as a positive trait and used it to doggedly pursue his dream of going to college. He eventually got into a great school and as they say, the rest is history. A 23 year old woman wanted to become a dancer, but felt blocked by the idea that she was too old to begin such a career. She dialogued with an imaginary dance teacher who told her she's too old. That one has to begin as a child or a young teenager in order to be successful.
Speaker 1 00:31:09 My client argued and was able to get the dance teacher to admit she didn't really know if a 23 year old could succeed or not just because some people who start at an early age do succeed. Doesn't mean that someone who starts at an older age can succeed. But the real transformation happened when my clients integrated the core quality of the dance teacher, whom she described as dogmatic. She explored being dogmatic as a positive trait and discovered how it could help her break with tradition and pursue a dance career in her twenties, regardless of what other people think. She became dogmatic in her belief that age doesn't matter. And that the most successful people are the ones who break the mold and do something new. I haven't heard from her in a long time and how successful she became almost doesn't matter. What matters is that she was able to follow her true feelings and beliefs.
Speaker 1 00:32:17 Uh, 48 year old construction worker wanted to start a new career as a graphic designer, but felt blocked by the opinion of his wife who called it a pipe dream. He play, acted her and identified the essence of her resistance to his dream. As fearful, I asked him, he could imagine a positive version of being fearful and he said he could think of it as being careful smart. And on top of things, we explore this way of being, and he realized that up to then he hadn't been careful or methodical about his plans for a career change. He had been so excited about it, that he had failed to really deal with the practicalities. This was probably why his wife was so negative and hesitant about it all. He worked on the specifics of how to make the job change, presented them to his wife, and she eventually got on board. By the way, there's an important lesson in this third example, if you want to work on a relationship issue, it's extremely helpful and sometimes crucial to first process it internally. Otherwise the relationship will be influenced by your and often their unconscious processes. See you next time. Stay aware.
Speaker 1 00:33:48 You can follow me on social media at Dr. Zwick and you can sign up on the mailing
[email protected], where you'll receive discounts on private coaching events and merchandise, weekly personal growth tips, and lots more be well.
